My life has been a roller coaster ride of sorts these past few years. Don't get me wrong, I have loved every minute of it! Roller Coasters are great! They are fast, crazy, out of control & they take your breath away! Who wouldn't like that? This ride has been stuck in the "ON" mode for almost 9 years now. So now that my ride has come to a screeching halt, what in the world am I supposed to do now?
I find myself sort of wandering....I walk slower through Publix. I guess I have more time, which most people would enjoy, but I had rather be rushing through Publix so I can pick up Mama & take her to Target. I walk slower through Target. Again...more time. No place I have to be. Truthfully, nothing I have to buy either. Target was just a place we went together all the time. I am trying to get back to "normal" but to be honest, I'm not really sure what that is. I played tennis this morning (which is really a joke in itself!) and the first thing I wanted to do other than pass out was to call Mama & laugh about it with her! This is going to be the toughest part I think. The phone calls, the laughing at me playing tennis, keeping up with the kids ballgames and the latest gossip.
Do I want things to go back like they were before she got sick? I thought I did....After taking a look back at this ride, .I most definitely do not! I have learned so much on this roller coaster. I have learned how to fight! Not only fight, but fight & win! I have learned that if I am going to laugh...laugh my ass off! I have learned that I can be honest & kind all at the same time. Life is to short for regrets, a beach can solve any problem, brothers are your life-line and nothing is more important than family! These are just a few things that I have learned and adapted to over the past few years.
Life will be different now. That is a given. But I would not wish her back here for anything! I know that she is wearing that huge smile of hers on a beach in heaven with her twin brother Harry & her baby brother Johnny...having the time of her life!! I am so happy for her!! I know I will see her again one day. But until then, I will live my life to the fullest. With no regrets, an ear piercing laugh, music blasting from my radio, a horrible tennis game, a fight like you have never seen, a love for my family and a yearning for the beach! These things you can count on.
As far as I can tell, my roller coaster has come to a halt. I think I will hop off & enjoy some cotton candy before the next ride starts
