" We're sorry, but you have reached a number that is no longer in service...If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up & try your number again"

Dang! We hit some Huge Milestones this summer! My baby boy turned 16...We bought him a truck...He made a 100 on his driving test! These are HUGE! I wanted to pick up the phone so many times to call Mama & tell her the details of each of them. That is who I told everything to & she honestly wanted to hear every single detail!

 How we surprised him by pulling up in the truck, bow on top, Laney in the back, music blasting & me sobbing while he was at a friends house. How we ate his favorite meal...PANDA EXPRESS! How I was so nervous that I made Glen take him for his driving test only to find out he made a 100 on it! These are things she would want to know. I know what you are thinking...."Paige, she does know all of this! She is watching from her beach chair in heaven!" I know this. It doesn't stop the ache in my heart when I have these huge things to tell her!! I want her here. But, thankfully, I am not in charge.

I want to tell her that I think Laney is the most beautiful girl ever! I love that she has Mamas artistic ability. I want to tell her how precious she was walking down the beach with her best friend in their little bikinis....giggling all night while we had 9 kids & 3 adults crammed into a 2 bedroom condo at the beach. How Laney has held my hand so many times (not because she is a cuddly girl)  because I think she knows that she reminds me so much of my mom and that is a comfort.

Just a few weeks after her passing, we packed it up & went to the beach. I felt like my life was normal there. Like I would see her when I got back. Not the case. So, me being me....I made reservations again, filled up the gas tank, grabbed 11 other people & back to the beach I went. I had a great time, but sadly she wasn't here when I returned. So I guess I will face my fear head on....she is not here. I can't call her on the phone. I no longer need her home & cell numbers on speed dial in my cell. I will not however ever stop telling her about each milestone! I will continue to talk to her and know that she is looking down on all of us with love. One of my dearest friends told me something today that made me smile. I mentioned that I was having a hard time even going to my moms house these days. She said " I drove past Grams house & I feel like she is still there. It makes me happy! I know she loved my kids like they were her own grandchildren. I think about crazy things she would say & they make me laugh. She really loved all of us!" Do I have great friends or what?! Thanks Susan P.  You make me happy :)

So when I do break down & call her house & get that awful recording of  "YOU HAVE REACHED A NUMBER THAT IS NO LONGER IN SERVICE. IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE REACHED THIS MESSAGE IN ERROR, PLEASE HANG UP & TRY YOUR NUMBER AGAIN" I promise not to have a melt down or flip the phone the finger, but to laugh and talk to her anyway!

That being said...this is my last sad blog!! I'm done! From here on out there will only be blogs full of sarcasm and stories to embarrass my family & friends! Honest engine!!

"Ethel....the ride is stuck again! Call the bearded lady!"

My life has been a roller coaster ride of sorts these past few years. Don't get me wrong, I have loved every minute of it! Roller Coasters are great! They are fast, crazy, out of control & they take your breath away! Who wouldn't like that? This ride has been stuck in the "ON" mode for almost 9 years now. So now that my ride has come to a screeching halt, what in the world am I supposed to do now?

I find myself sort of wandering....I walk slower through Publix. I guess I have more time, which most people would enjoy, but I had rather be rushing through Publix so I can pick up Mama & take her to Target. I walk slower through Target. Again...more time. No place I have to be. Truthfully, nothing I have to buy either. Target was just a place we went together all the time. I am trying to get back to "normal" but to be honest, I'm not really sure what that is.  I played tennis this morning (which is really a joke in itself!) and the first thing I wanted to do other than pass out was to call Mama & laugh about it with her! This is going to be the toughest part I think. The phone calls, the laughing at me playing tennis, keeping up with the kids ballgames and the latest gossip.

Do I want things to go back like they were before she got sick? I thought I did....After taking a look back at this ride, .I most definitely do not! I have learned so much on this roller coaster. I have learned how to fight! Not only fight, but fight & win! I have learned that if I am going to laugh...laugh my ass off! I have learned that I can be honest & kind all at the same time. Life is to short for regrets, a beach can solve any problem, brothers are your life-line and nothing is more important than family! These are just a few things that I have learned and adapted to over the past few years.

Life will be different now. That is a given. But I would not wish her back here for anything! I know that she is wearing that huge smile of hers on a beach in heaven with her twin brother Harry & her baby brother Johnny...having the time of her life!! I am so happy for her!! I know I will see her again one day. But until then, I will live my life to the fullest. With no regrets, an ear piercing laugh, music blasting from my radio, a horrible tennis game, a fight like you have never seen, a love for my family and a yearning for the beach! These things you can count on.

As far as I can tell, my roller coaster has come to a halt. I think I will hop off & enjoy some cotton candy before the next ride starts