It's been a Musical road trip

With the death of Prince yesterday, I sat and watched Prince videos for hours on end. This brought my high school years flooding back to me.  As far back as I can remember, music has been attached to every good memory I have. Even the crappy times had a song attached to them. 

I remember the first time I danced to Princes Purple Rain album. Charlotte Gilreaths house...that sucker got played over & over & over. We sang at the top of our lungs and danced our asses off!! Because of my dads job, I was lucky enough to have a Little Red Corvette as my first car at 16. My mother hated it, but I have to say...IT. WAS. AWESOME!!!!!! So needless to say, that album was my anthem. We cruised the mountain listening to REO Speedwagon, Journey, Prince, Hank Williams Jr, Rod Stewart, Randy Travis, Def Leppard, John Cougar Mellencamp, Billy Idol, Madonna and Bruce Springsteen just to name a few. These were the artists that we danced and sang to, fell in love to, helped to heal a broken heart and partied to. All of these artists and their songs still hold a special place with me. 

Maybe my love for music has something to do with my dad. He loved Juke Boxes. I can't remember a time when we didn't have a Juke box. Growing up it was filled with all kinds of randomness. Susan and I would stand on the fireplace hearth and make our parents listen to us sing "Torn between 2 lovers" and "Locamotion" while we danced to all of them. My dad took me to my first concert and man...it was a doozie!! ELVIS at the OMNI! I wore an awesome long dress (yes, i did say LONG dress). Then came The Bee Gee's, ELO, Journey, Bruce Springsteen, Randy Travis (5x), Hank Williams Jr. and the list grew from there. 

My first date with Glen, we danced to Billy Idols "Dancin' with myself" at a friends party. Our playlist evolved and changed to add the songs from Dirty Dancing, Top Gun & many more movies. Then one day things changed...Glen introduced me to a Jimmy Buffett concert & I fell in love with a whole new playlist! We continued on with that concert for over 2 decades. "Come Monday" became my lullaby for both Jake and Laney. I still get teary eyed when I sing it just thinking of rocking them to sleep. Glen will forever be my one and only with a "School Boy Heart". These songs are ingrained in my life, my soul and inscribed in my heart. 

At any given time, you can walk into our house and music is playing. While cooking, cleaning, taking a bath or shower, getting ready for work, working in the yard or just sitting on the porch. Music is always on. Our dinner routine is always the same....family dinner atleast 4 nights a week, no phones allowed. Only music and good conversation. Gotta have the music!

I think we all have songs that define different walks of life. From first dates, worst dates, love, heartbreak, friendship, destinations, marriage, children, family....music is a road map of your life. I love the route that my musical map has taken me. I hope that you've had a melodic road trip....TURN IT UP!!

Elvis - my dad

You are my Sunshine - Nana

Vince Gill - my mama

Teach Me how to Dougie - my mom on pain medication!! 

Stand by Me - Our song

Earth Angel - my parents song

Purple Haze - My brother Mike

Jack & Diane - High school love (1)

Pink Floyd - High School love (2)

Rock 'n Roll High School - Kevin 

SHOUT - all 4 Proms 

Torn Between 2 lovers - Susan

Come Monday - Jake and Laney

School Boy Heart - My forever Love

I don't care how tall you get, you'll always be my baby!!

To my sweet Jake-Jake, my Shorty, my sweet baby boy,

Seems like just yesterday you were running around the neighborhood, playing in the creek, getting muddy and then running home to get food all red faced and sweaty. Not much has changed...other than you're a LOT taller! You still play in the mud, only now its with Darla, your big black GMC 4x4 Truck.

Tonight is your graduation from Harrison High School. I am a basket case!! Where has the time gone? It seems like I should be dropping you off at a friends to go skateboarding, getting a cast for said activity (three times) or watching you fish & ride 4-wheelers at Grams. I just cant beleive this time has come. My heart is so full of so many memories....Great memories!! I won't say its all been easy or even fun, but all of it has made you the man you are today. The good, the bad, the heartbreaking, the crazy and the moments that have kept us all laughing. It has all shaped you into who you are and who we are. And I wouldn't change one single moment!!

At Baccalaureate Sunday, the pastor asked if you wanted to leave memories or leave a legacy. He encouraged you to leave a legacy. Well, I think you need to leave both! We have made great memories over the years!! I hope that you always hold those close to your heart. When you're older and have kids of your own it will be a wonderful thing to share with them, I think it;s important that you have those memories to laugh at, look back at and fill you with joy. You will have these memories to pass on to your children just as Dad & I have passed  our memories on to you and Laney. You and Laney are my Legacy. Most definitely! But tonight at graduation....there's one more memory for us all. This is a huge day! So in your journey through life, make sure you make memories and  leave a legacy!! Your legacy will most likely be covered in mud.

I'm sure tonight I will cry. I don't mean just a tear...I will most likely do an "ugly cry!" So, let me apologize in advance. I just have so many emotions running through my head & my heart. Here are just a few of them...

• I wish my mom & dad were here to see you graduate and hold my had during this whole thing.
• I don't want you to grow up!!
• I keep thinking of you running through the house with your pacifier and your trucks
• I wonder how you're feeling...are you nervous? Excited? BE excited! 
• Always be my little boy....always! Even at over 6'5...be my baby. 
• Do you know how much you are loved Jake? 
• Do you know what a gift from God you are? 

Well, that's awesome! Now I'm crying so much I can hardly see and I have to de-puff my eyes and re-do my makeup to go to graduation!!

So, to you my little Jake-Jake, my Shorty, my sweet baby boy.....Enjoy this night!! Know that we are so proud of you!! You are an amazing man! You will always be my baby!! Remember....I love you big as the sky!!

" We're sorry, but you have reached a number that is no longer in service...If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up & try your number again"

Dang! We hit some Huge Milestones this summer! My baby boy turned 16...We bought him a truck...He made a 100 on his driving test! These are HUGE! I wanted to pick up the phone so many times to call Mama & tell her the details of each of them. That is who I told everything to & she honestly wanted to hear every single detail!

 How we surprised him by pulling up in the truck, bow on top, Laney in the back, music blasting & me sobbing while he was at a friends house. How we ate his favorite meal...PANDA EXPRESS! How I was so nervous that I made Glen take him for his driving test only to find out he made a 100 on it! These are things she would want to know. I know what you are thinking...."Paige, she does know all of this! She is watching from her beach chair in heaven!" I know this. It doesn't stop the ache in my heart when I have these huge things to tell her!! I want her here. But, thankfully, I am not in charge.

I want to tell her that I think Laney is the most beautiful girl ever! I love that she has Mamas artistic ability. I want to tell her how precious she was walking down the beach with her best friend in their little bikinis....giggling all night while we had 9 kids & 3 adults crammed into a 2 bedroom condo at the beach. How Laney has held my hand so many times (not because she is a cuddly girl)  because I think she knows that she reminds me so much of my mom and that is a comfort.

Just a few weeks after her passing, we packed it up & went to the beach. I felt like my life was normal there. Like I would see her when I got back. Not the case. So, me being me....I made reservations again, filled up the gas tank, grabbed 11 other people & back to the beach I went. I had a great time, but sadly she wasn't here when I returned. So I guess I will face my fear head on....she is not here. I can't call her on the phone. I no longer need her home & cell numbers on speed dial in my cell. I will not however ever stop telling her about each milestone! I will continue to talk to her and know that she is looking down on all of us with love. One of my dearest friends told me something today that made me smile. I mentioned that I was having a hard time even going to my moms house these days. She said " I drove past Grams house & I feel like she is still there. It makes me happy! I know she loved my kids like they were her own grandchildren. I think about crazy things she would say & they make me laugh. She really loved all of us!" Do I have great friends or what?! Thanks Susan P.  You make me happy :)

So when I do break down & call her house & get that awful recording of  "YOU HAVE REACHED A NUMBER THAT IS NO LONGER IN SERVICE. IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE REACHED THIS MESSAGE IN ERROR, PLEASE HANG UP & TRY YOUR NUMBER AGAIN" I promise not to have a melt down or flip the phone the finger, but to laugh and talk to her anyway!

That being said...this is my last sad blog!! I'm done! From here on out there will only be blogs full of sarcasm and stories to embarrass my family & friends! Honest engine!!

"Ethel....the ride is stuck again! Call the bearded lady!"

My life has been a roller coaster ride of sorts these past few years. Don't get me wrong, I have loved every minute of it! Roller Coasters are great! They are fast, crazy, out of control & they take your breath away! Who wouldn't like that? This ride has been stuck in the "ON" mode for almost 9 years now. So now that my ride has come to a screeching halt, what in the world am I supposed to do now?

I find myself sort of wandering....I walk slower through Publix. I guess I have more time, which most people would enjoy, but I had rather be rushing through Publix so I can pick up Mama & take her to Target. I walk slower through Target. Again...more time. No place I have to be. Truthfully, nothing I have to buy either. Target was just a place we went together all the time. I am trying to get back to "normal" but to be honest, I'm not really sure what that is.  I played tennis this morning (which is really a joke in itself!) and the first thing I wanted to do other than pass out was to call Mama & laugh about it with her! This is going to be the toughest part I think. The phone calls, the laughing at me playing tennis, keeping up with the kids ballgames and the latest gossip.

Do I want things to go back like they were before she got sick? I thought I did....After taking a look back at this ride, .I most definitely do not! I have learned so much on this roller coaster. I have learned how to fight! Not only fight, but fight & win! I have learned that if I am going to laugh...laugh my ass off! I have learned that I can be honest & kind all at the same time. Life is to short for regrets, a beach can solve any problem, brothers are your life-line and nothing is more important than family! These are just a few things that I have learned and adapted to over the past few years.

Life will be different now. That is a given. But I would not wish her back here for anything! I know that she is wearing that huge smile of hers on a beach in heaven with her twin brother Harry & her baby brother Johnny...having the time of her life!! I am so happy for her!! I know I will see her again one day. But until then, I will live my life to the fullest. With no regrets, an ear piercing laugh, music blasting from my radio, a horrible tennis game, a fight like you have never seen, a love for my family and a yearning for the beach! These things you can count on.

As far as I can tell, my roller coaster has come to a halt. I think I will hop off & enjoy some cotton candy before the next ride starts

Refill? No thanks...my glass is already half full!

As I sit here looking around at my two stacks of mail, I am overwhelmed....For once they are not bills!! Thank the Lord! One is a stack of "Thank you" notes to send out to friends who sent food & flowers and the other is a stack of sweet cards that have been sent to me by friends with prayers and well wishes for my mother. Even my "beloved" sent me a card full of prayers & sweet notes....Thanks Starbucks!! Seriously, my sweetest card came from MY Dallas Hwy. Starbucks! It was Fan-Freakin-Tastic! Thanks Tim :)

 

My mama always taught me that you have to find the good in everything. Every situation....you have to find the good. You have a bad day at work? Be thankful you have a job. The loss of my dad? He's no longer in pain. My mother having cancer? Made her a fighter & a miracle! I could go on and on....If I listed out the crappy things that have happened to my family in the past few years, your jaw would drop to the ground & your first thought would be "Dang! Your life sucks!! Poor you!" You would be wrong. My life is  great!! Sure, I have had tragedy, horrific job loss (8 family members all in one day! Yep...8), a very sick mother, overwhelming bills (like most of you I'm sure) but through this storm, there have been so many silver linings!

• I have a job with great hours & a lot of laughter
• Glen has a job that on most days, pays the bills
• My kids are healthy, happy, funny & loving
• My mother is a strong, faithful fighter!!
• She loves all 7 of her grandchildren equally!! Not just the 1st born...
• My brothers, Mike & Todd, both live close by and I adore them
• My friends are awesome and are there for me at the drop of a hat (or a bed pan)
• I have life long friends...some from childhood & some more recently
• Starbucks is only 2 miles from my house
• Kroger is not my only grocery store option...Thank Goodness!
• I am not going hungry...obviously!
• Jimmy Buffett is still touring & making music
• Most of all...I am loved by many!

I could go on & on with this list.....If you are having a tough day or week, just sit back and be thankful for all you DO have! Your list may surprise you. So, on that bad day, I dare you...make a list!

Drink up! Your glass is half full and there are free refills!

Papa may have been a Rollin' Stone, but Mama was our ROCK!

I see on Facebook that everyone is changing their profile picture to one of their father in honor of Fathers Day. I found myself following suit. I posted one of my favorite pictures of my dad holding hands with Jake and walking to the lake. Jake was about 2 1/2 or 3, so this was not long before I lost my dad. He & Jake had been sitting on these 2 tree stumps on either side of the path that leads to the lake. As I came out of the cabin, I could see them sitting and talking. About what, I have no idea. After a few minutes, they hopped up & continued their walk to the dock. I love the fact that Jake knew my dad. He was my hero for as long as I can remember, but my how things can change! I always thought that my daddy was the strong one. The rock of our family. Maybe....maybe not.

I watch my mother. Her kindness to others, her way of looking at the bright side even through a really crappy window. Eight years ago she walked into a "Chemo-Lounge" with a really bad prognosis. She defied the odds then & is still doing so today. As each year passes, her doctor is amazed! He remarks that he has no medical explanation for her still being here. She pops back with "Maybe you should leave your Jewish Temple & come on over to my Baptist church & learn to pray!" I do believe that prayer, faith and a great outlook has taken her this far. She walks into chemo every 21 days for a 3 day stint and she inspires people! She actually looks forward to chemo. It is like going to a party for her! They call her "Ms. Sunshine!" She bakes a cake for you & takes flowers to celebrate your last day of chemo, she throws birthday parties & showers there. These women have all become friends. Her family. Some have passed on to a pain free life with no chemo & a head full of hair, while others are still here fighting. 

With a Bandanna tied on her head today and feeling like crap, we ventured out to Costco. She was in a good bit of pain, but couldn't stay put. We ran into my oldest & dearest friend in the world, Susan. We talked & shopped for a while, then headed out.  Later I got a text from Susan : "I LOVE your Mama!" Yep....so do I! She is amazing. A few minutes later, I get another text from her : "She always has this knack for making people feel good about themselves even when she feels CRAPPY! I want that trait!" Me too Susan...Me too! That being said, I have always prided myself on being a lot like my dad. These days I find myself yearning to be like my mother. I know at times I secretly wish to muzzle her like a pit bull, but she is still amazing! Strong and good hearted, faithful and forgiving, loving and as my friend Tim at Starbucks would say ...FAN-FREAKIN'-TASTIC!! She is most definitely my hero. My Rock. So when Glen rolls his eyes at me (unintentional I'm sure. Maybe he has a loose socket) & says "You are becoming your mother!" I am pretty sure that is a compliment! She makes a point to let people know how she feels about them. A friend of mine from High School just chatted me on FB & told me about a letter that my mother wrote him in 2003 when he was deployed to Saudi Arabia. Was he our next door neighbor for years? No. Was he her best friends son? No. He was a boy I went to school with. We knew the family. He was a friend. Did I take the time to write him? No. He was MY friend! She is clearly the better person here! Sorry Eli....

Although I adored my Daddy & loved every single thing about him...I step back and look at my mother in amazement. The way she loves her children & grandchildren is unbelievable! I will try to become more like her. More loving, more forgiving, more faithful. Papa may have been a rollin' stone, but Mama is our Rock!l

Move over June & Ward....Jerry Springer is here to stay!

Hey y'all! I'm new at this "blog" thing so bare with while I learn the ropes. I thought this might be a good way to jot down some thoughts. I'm not saying that I always have a thought, but kinda like fishing, occasionally I get a good one worth keeping!

I am a 44 year old Mama, wife, daughter, sister, pre-school teacher and  friend. I married a man I barely knew...that was 23 years ago. It seems to be working out just fine....most days! We are still in love and I think for the most part, we're pretty happy about that. We have 2 wonderful kids, Jake & Laney. Jake is almost 15 and Laney is 11. They are funny, moody and beautiful!! We have decided to let them stay. Jake's height seems to be the topic of a lot of conversation...He is 6'4 or 5 and Glen is only 5'10....That in itself is pretty funny. I have 2 brothers, a sister-in law, a brother-in-law, 2 nieces, 3 nephews, 2 mother-in-laws, 2 father-in-laws & the best Mama anyone ever knew. As a child and on into my early 40's I thought I came from this "Leave it to Beaver" kind of family. Funny how life can slap you in the face sometimes and make you change the channel to "Jerry Springer!" I wasn't sure how I was gonna like this new channel. I have to be honest....at first, it flat out sucked!! But as I am watching, it is funny!! It has made me laugh more times than cry and I kinda like it. Who knew I would learn to love Jerry Springer? This is the channel where my son can draw "weiners" on the side windows of my van and me not know it until a friend pulls up next to me with a carload of laughing boys....this is also the channel where my mother, the bible beating baptist,  tells a nurse that medical marijuana may not be a bad thing after all....the same channel where Laney told me that she had "decided she was not going to have a period"....I am now addicted to this channel! I have taken the batteries out of the "clicker" because I have learned that this Jerry Springer world is much funnier than June & Ward!!
No matter what kind of family you think you have, if you all take a closer look, you too may find Jerry Springer at your dinner table!

So to my family and friends, no matter how looney you are....in the words of my Nana..."I love you big as the sky & better than strawberry pie!"